Or at all, actually. Things have been crazy. I just started yet another new job, and it’s for UPS, so things are about to get really crazy, I’ma ‘bout to be working about 35 hours of overtime this month. Which is good for my wallet, but not so much for my Tumblr. So I’m sorry to you, Tumblr, for neglecting you. But I will be back in full force, hopefully sometime around Christmas.

As for how I’ve been doing, things have been okay. We’re making it through. We have a nice little apartment and we’re slowly filling it with furniture and crap and I really feel like I might be able to create some permanent stability for myself. That’s all I’m really searching for. I think we’ve found it, here. I think Tucson is going to be good for me— I think it’s going to be the place where I finally find my sure footing as a somewhat normal adult. 

It’s going to be another slow climb, and I have to remember that it always takes longer than you think, that there’s always unforeseen circumstances that will set you back, even in the best of times. I have to remain patient. That is the hardest part of this all, I think. You want everything to be back to “normal” and for you to have all the trimmings that go along with not being a junky anymore— possessions, having a social life, not being broke, etc. But it always takes forever. And that’s what has tripped me up in the recent past, so I’m attempting to reiterate this to myself to make it clear that I can’t expect everything to be rosy right away.

I seem to be endlessly saying this to myself, so it’s obviously taking a while to sink in. Once things start getting back to normal, it’s incredibly hard for me to resist the itch, the urge to rip it all to shreds again. This time though, I think I’m actually going to be okay.

I got fired from my job last night. It was my fault, I’m not happy about it, and I made a huge mistake doing what I did and it makes me feel real shitty. My boss was also kind of a douche and I’m pretty sure I would have hated working for him long term.

At least this time we’re not totally fucked for money. Britt just started her new job today, and looking at the job market today I’m fairly confident that I at least have a decent chance in landing another job.

I already have an interview for another job. I’m not particularly sure that I’m a good candidate, but I’ll try my best and make myself seem like I am a good candidate, and who knows, maybe I’ll get it. 

If not, then I’ll keep trying. I am not giving up. I have no choice but to keep going, forever and ever and ever it seems. One day I will look back and see this time in my life as the time when I was actually learning from my mistakes. At least I hope so. 

Because otherwise there really is no point to any of this, and I might as well just become a drunken bum now.

Things that happened today:

1) Went to interview and was hired on the spot. Decent money, fully paid health benefits, tax-free income, cool little company, pretty cool job description.

2) Found out that my bank let me overdraw my account $45 with 9 different transactions, let me keep my account overdrawn for 23 days, and didn’t charge me one red cent of overdraft fees.

3) Got a $450 payment from my mother after she swore up and down that she would never help me out in desperate times ever again.

What this means:

1) Not going to have to worry about where we’re living come the first.

2) I got my laptop outta the pawnshop!

3) I no longer feel like I want to burn the world down.

4) I no longer have to beg people for money to put gas in our car.

5) I no longer have an immovable knot the size of texas in my stomach.

Yay life etc.

i got fired from my “dream” job. they wouldn’t tell me why.

my life continues to be one long job search with some struggle for shelter and food thrown in there for good measure.

i took two days to feel bad about myself and my lot in life, and now here i am again. ready for the endless hoop-jumping and self-selling. i’ll fucking do it. 

i might not end up with my dream job, or a new car, but i’m sure as hell not giving up on being a productive member of society.

i am determined, now, to not take this as a sign of certain impending doom and just go back to what i know— directly introducing chemicals into my bloodstream to solve all my problems.

go me?

•  my own office? check.
•  job in my desired field? check.
•  competitive pay rate? check.
•  inviting office environment? check.
  
  
  what more could i want?
  

• The majority of HVAC technicians over the age of 50 are racist, sexist, anti-Semitic bastards.
•  That is all.

PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY FUCKING PARTY

i will enthusiastically welcome the extra $1500 a month. 

i start on tuesday! 

all you lower middle class fools in the house— i’m one of you now!

to let them know that you appreciated the interview and hope to hear from them soon? if so, how would you phrase it?

p.s- the interview went really well and i think i got it but i’m not 100% sure.

I GOT A FREAKING JOB. 

so that job that was on it’s last legs, that i was pretty excited for? yeah bitches, i got that fucking job. my boss called me this morning and was like, “so i wanted to offer you the job, but i can’t offer you $15/hr, i can only offer you $14/hr, do you want some time to marinate on the offer?”

and i was all like pshhhhh, beeotch, $14/hr in this little city in the desert is like $20/hr in SD, i’m gonna be riiiiiiiiiiiiich. rich in the sense that i will not have to live in this shitty motel and live on sandwiches and cereal anymore. and i also might be able to afford to fix our god damn back brakes, they’re grinding hardcore and i’m worried that they’re gonna warp if we leave them for too long.

there’s gonna be a little bit of a scheduling conflict between britt’s work and mine, cuz we only have one car, but it’s only gonna be once i get out of work, and hey, i’d rather have a scheduling conflict and two paychecks than no conflict and no paychecks.

so yeah. i’m gonna celebrate with some cheesy egg tacos with cilantro and salsa, maybe even some sour cream cuz i’m feeling frisky. FRISKY!

two new job prospects. interview tomorrow.

feel slightly better about things somehow. talked to a hr lady for the job that was on it’s last legs and it was to do with my background check. gave them some information, she said she’d call back after she’d spoken with her manager.

not holding out a whole lot of hope but but i do feel better about things somehow. just feel like today i have more prospects for surviving than yesterday.

spent some money, bad alex, bad alex.

had a crazy dream last night involving my estranged father and pornography, also something to do with methamphetamine and jail. curiouser and curiouser.

something i keep telling myself: “hey, at least you’re not dopesick.”

that’s all that’s really keeping me together. i’m not on drugs, i’m doing this for the right reasons. i’ve created another hole for myself but at least i’m working my way out of it, right?